As I’ve mentioned before, my alarm clock is set to a talk radio show that’s extremely annoying – it helps me get out of bed quickly. This morning, in the brief time between when the alarm went off and when I managed to hit the ‘snooze’ button, I realized that the discussion of the day was doorknob safety. I’m not making this up.
The thing is, I wasn’t able to hear the intro, so I spent most of the morning trying to figure out why doorknobs were dangerous, and what could inspire talk show pundits to devote a show to their safety. I came up with some ideas:
– Children running around a corner quickly might hit their heads on the doorknob
– A sack full of doorknobs may be a cheap and effective mob enforcement weapon
– Attempting to swallow a doorknob could be a choking hazard
– Metal doorknobs conduct electricity, so if one were to hook one up to the proper power source, a person trying to open the door could get a shock.
– Metal doorknobs also conduct heat, so could burn a hand (didn’t this happen in Home Alone?).
– If it were cold enough outside, attempting to lick a doorknob could result in geting your tongue stuck
– Or most likely, people don’t wash their hands, and touch doorknobs, which then have germs on them to spread to the next person who touches them.
For now the doorknob remains a nebulous threat, the exact nature of which remains unclear. So until we can identify the danger, a warning to readers of leftfielder: Beware! The dangerous doorknobs lurk everywhere…
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