February 14th
February 14th, 2008by Doc Opp
Its tough to be single. Single people live shorter lives, have worse health even before they pass on, and have lower self-reported ratings of happiness. Economically, because of economies of scale, single people get the short end of the stick too (e.g. hotel rooms cost the same amount for one or two people, but a couple can split the cost). Jobs have all sorts of accommodations and benefits for people in relationships that single folks can’t use, but almost nothing in the other direction.
Plus, society is designed around couples. Its completely socially acceptable to excuse yourself early from an event so that you accommodate your spouse’s schedule, but not so that you can go try to find a date. Couples go out with other couples, but single folks are a “third wheel” and so often get left out. In fact, psychologist Bella DePaulo has done some excellent work on how people find it socially acceptable and engage in to discrimination against single people (in a way that they wouldn’t against racial, ethnic, or religious groups).
So its bad enough to be single, and then Valentine’s Day comes along and rubs it in. Hey, you - single person - look how most of society has somebody, and you’re all alone, you unlovable loser. I know that the point of Valentine’s Day isn’t to make single people feel bad (its either to promote ridiculous commercialism in the name of love, or to celebrate love, depending on how cynical you are…). But unfortunately, its one of externalities of the holiday.
That, and the fact that its friggin’ cold outside, are the reason that February 14th is the single worst day of the year.
Anyway, happy Valentines day, to the extent that its possible.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Hum. I think there is an argument to be made that Valentine’s Day is for single people (or rather single people with a significant other).
Is it for married people too? I guess. But married people already have a more significant holiday (called an anniversary) on which to celebrate their love for each other.
I ignore Valentine’s Day and generally find it annoying. Also it’s too close to Christmas to be a gift giving opportunity. And for me also too close to our anniversary and a birthday. (How many gift giving opportunities do I need in a 2 month period?)
Yes. Death to Valentine’s Day.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
I hate it too. I think it’s nice for couples who are brand-new, because it’s an excuse to be romantic and gooshy–but after 6 months you start wondering why you can’t just go out for a nice dinner or get flowers unless the whole rest of the country does too. And then once you’re married…well, I dislike Christmas advertising but I resent Valentine’s Day’s. I resent being told that unless my husband buys me diamonds or chocolate or flowers or a car (!) on this one day of the year when they’re most expensive, that he doesn’t love me. My husband does the laundry and the dishes, and took our toddler to get his shots last week. That’s better than diamonds, and cheaper too.
On the bright side, the pink M&Ms will be on sale tomorrow.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
“On the bright side, the pink M&Ms will be on sale tomorrow.”
True that. Feb 15th is one of the best days of the year, up there with the day after Halloween and the day after Easter!
February 15th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I have a tradion that I have done every Valentine’s Day for the past six years or so. I buy 2-3 bouquettes of white roses and bring them to work, school or wherever I’m going to be that day, and hand them out. My philosophy is that everyone deserves to get a rose on Valentines day. Amazingly, it turns the day from one that I used to dread into a holiday tradition that I enjoy. Yes being single on Valentines does really suck, but as usual finding a way to think about the needs of others instead of your own problems is a wonderful way to address negative feelings of your own.
February 16th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Now that I am “single again” aka “widow” I definitely feel the pain that is made so much worse by the movies, TV shows, commercials, etc. etc. It is very hard not to feel as if society thinks I am some how “less than the rest” because I am not a couple. For 5 1/2 years now I have fought those feelings anyway and about the time I think I’ve made progress, another Valentine’s season comes along–when I’ve just barely healed from all of the Christmas/New Years hurts of being “alone during the holidays” despite the fact I have wonderful kids and family to spend it with.
In our 32 years of marriage my late husband and I loved to surprise and delight each other all year long with ways to demonstrate our love–sometimes in the very practical but “worth their weight in gold” acts that Reb mentions. But there were other times too and Valentines Day just became another opportunity for us to surprise and delight each other. To this day I keep out a handmade construction paper Valentine Bob made me the Feb 14 before he died in May. I probably treasure it as much as anything because it was the last Valentine he ever gave me. LIfe is unpredictable, you know.
Robert, I applaud your Valentines Day habit and think I will look for a way to copy it next year! I love your attitude and think you have hit on a pattern for all of us to follow. Thanks!
February 14th, 2010 at 5:13 am
[...] It’s that day again. The worst day of the year. The day that society rubs it in the face of those of us who can’t find love. As if it wasn’t bad enough that we have to deal with the social, emotional, health, financial, and psychological burdens of being single. I’m not going to expound upon those burdens here - I’ve done it in previous years’ posts. [...]